American men are increasingly, and happily, taking on a more equal share of child raising responsibilities (the massive female martyr complex, along with elephant-like memories that allow them to recall–in detail–every moment of the breast-feeding process, will never allow us to claim equality in child rearing). However, we seem to get as much credit for our efforts as if we, instead, spend all of our time on the golf course yelling “fore!” and taking whiskey shots off the baby powdered bosoms of women with names like Mocha and Sparkles.
Perhaps this lack of appreciation isn’t present in homes across the country, but it’s very evident in the public arena. Enfamil continues to inform me of my son’s formula needs with emails that begin something like this; “Mr. Roger Starkey, we know that you’re a very busy mom…” The local NBC affiliate proudly promotes their Moms Like Me club, with no equivalent for the fathers to be found. Commercials for childcare products unashamedly promote the super mom persona, with the father usually treated like another child rather than an equal partner.
I’ve grown weary of waiting for someone else to remedy this injustice. I am starting my very own Dads Like Me club. My club will be so inclusive that we will not discriminate against men without children. The only requirement to join the Dads Like Me club is that you have male genitalia or identify as male. You don’t need all of the equipment; if for some reason you have only one testicle, you are not only welcome, you are strongly encouraged to join (especially if you have a good sense of humor about your condition).
To welcome everyone to the club, we will have a Dads Like Me retreat on 2 April. We will begin the day at 8 a.m. on a local golf course. We will then proceed directly to an afternoon baseball game, followed by several stops at local strip clubs. The bus will deposit everyone back at their homes in time to tuck their children into bed–like the good fathers we are (please note that children are not allowed on any part of this retreat, they should be left at home with their mothers).
Please contact me if you’d like to join. Membership is free.
